Feeling chatty ...

Tonight was a four mile run, I love those days. Yesterday I was good and only did five instead of the six. I ended up seeing my coach at the track on the latter half of the run so I could honestly say I was following the rules. Good thing, since the 5 was pretty hard.

I find that if for some reason I'm not going to get to run when I plan, I get really disappointed, even though I know how hard it is while I do it.

We've raised $2140 so far. We're doing great!! I'm going to go to the Boomerang restaurants and see if they'll do a TNT night for me where I get 10% of the proceeds from the sales that day or just dinner sales. I was going to do Johnnies but someone beat me to it. And I'm going to talk to some of the girls this weekend about doing the car hop thing at Sonic one day ... that one should be interesting. Me inside the building where they make Cherry Limeades. I see a quick 10 pounds coming my way.

Anna ... she has her good moments and her difficult and apparently they swing fairly quickly. Yesterday Anna's Mom had a day where she was noticing everything that Anna can't do rather than all the things she still can, and I'm often in awe of her ability to keep the latter perspective. Honestly, it has to come from her faith. She mentioned yesterday though that Anna can't go up and down curbs without help, her legs aren't strong enough. I knew that her legs are now SO thin, but I didn't realize that. But today, I hear she was able to ride her bike around the block. I just don't know how they do it.

Here's a story I definitely wanted to share. Yesterday we had a mass e-mail going around the team in which everyone listed their top 5 reasons for being a member of TNT. One of the members of the walking team listed as her number 1 reason: "The drug that is saving my life was discovered through a grant from TNT. If not for Gleevec, I would probably have had a five year life expectancy. Instead, I'm at 6 1/2 years with CML, in total genetic remission and training for my second marathon with TNT." Like I said, she's a member of the walking team and I'm not as familiar with them yet, but I'm going to be sure to meet her this Saturday when we all meet to stretch before we go off with our teams. So often when you donate, you don't see the direct effects of your generosity and/or hard work. Her story shows that to us.

She also said that when she walked it two years ago, at one point in the course there were two little girls holding a sign that said, "You're helping save my Mommy's life. Thank you." That made me cry.

We're doing so much for people, we can't do everything, but we can do some even though sometimes, maybe always, it doesn't feel like enough. I've had a parent tell me that when people do things like this, even just knowing that people are training this hard for this purpose, it makes them feel just a little less alone in the battle. I have to believe that counts for something. Like I said, it doesn't hand every parent a cure, doesn't take away pain immediately, but it's something. Honestly, the whole experience is as humbling as it is rewarding.

Okay, the running has been going well since I started again. Saturday's long run ended up being two miles longer than intended ... long story, as anything would be whenever you 'accidentally' run two extra miles. But I got through it. Tonight was a four mile run. I'm really noticing how to use my arms when I start to get tired. Tomorrow is a 6, but I'm sure I'll just do five in my attempt to not do too much too soon. Man, that's hard. Then Thursday the four again. Then the endurance run on Saturday - I can't remember without going downstairs and looking at the schedule what the length is this week but mine will be different as my coach is drawing up a different schedule for me. But it's a schedule that will get me caught up eventually. And right now, the knee feels great.

At the pace I ran tonight - if I didn't get any faster at all and/or was not able to increase my running v. walking intervals, I'd still finish in just over five hours. So long as I finish, I'm more than happy. And as long as I finish within 6.5, I'll get an official finish time, whatever that means. ; ) Pretty sure I'll be well aware of my own time but okay. Probably entails something that I don't know about yet.

After the marathon, Nike offers free massages. If that isn't motivation to get to the finish line.

I have to start experimenting with snacks that will work for me during the run. There are all kinds of odd things to try. On Saturday, someone told me that the Sports Beans were like Jelly Bellies. I'm pretty sure my whole face lit up - I LOVE Jelly Bellies. But I'll have to figure out which works best for me. Some people swear by the Goo, but that seems a little icky to me. ; )

Anna is having some good days right now. She's been eating a lot for her and she's learned to be quite a schemer when it comes to getting exactly what she wants to eat - recently conning a babysitter into getting her Taco Bell. ; ) Girl after my own heart. Everything is bittersweet and future plans are always shadowed just a little with the question of how Anna will be doing or if she will still be here. But her Mom manages for the most part to concentrate on the good times when they have them right now and from that, we can all gain perspective.

A temporary aside

Anyone who knows me well can you tell me that I'm really not much of a fashion person. Those friends of mine that are fashion people will be the first to stress to you my indifference in this area. I have TRIED on occasion to care about these things but alas, in the end, I just don't have it in me. It can't hold my attention like say ... an OU game or .... March Madness ... or, well, Grey's Anatomy. ; ) I mean, come on, I may not be into fashion, but there are lot of nice ... things ... to see on that show.

In any event, I digress. Not being a fashion obsessive, running is right up my alley in this regard. Your sweaty, gross, often out of breath, way more concerned with things that will make you comfortable as possible than you ever are about looking pretty. Yet, with all that, my first reaction when looking at the knee strap that the dr. says is a must from now on when running (Yes, Jennifer, only when running so you can stop your panic at being seen with me), even MY first thought was, "Wow, that's, um, well, really ugly."

https://secure.cho-pat.com/products/product.php?product_type=26

You'd think, with all the running toys, I could have at least found one of these in black - but apparently every person with knee issues like mine beat me to the store. Black has always been my signature color, everything looks better in black.

Off to the track, the Divine, me and the latest in fashion accessories. ; )

Okay, it went really well. I can definitely tell that I took that time off, it's not as easy, relatively speaking, as it was. But it wasn't like starting from the very beginning, either. I only did two miles and did 1 1/2 running, 1 minute walking intervals. My coach is supposed to send me a revised training schedule for me. So, I'll get caught up.

Apparently, the time off was not good for the Divine Miss M, either. Wow, was she ever hating it. And we only went two miles!! So, she's going to have to get back into it as well.

Anna is having good days right now. I know she won't be cured but the medicinal regimen they have her on now seems to be helping her feel really good for the time being. She even got to go swimming earlier this week!! And she did an impromptu performance of "Shake Your Tail Feathers." I love that little girl.

Here we go ...

I did the last night of walking (I hope) lst night and tonight, I try running again. Hopefully, it will go well. I'll let you know!!

I got a total of $100 in donations today - that officially puts us over the $2K mark!!!! ; )

Finally!!

My blog service has been down for DAYS ... so, I can finally post.

I'm still walking. But one more night of that and back to runnning for me. Thankfully!! Walking is ... not something I enjoy. However, it's easy to think about the fact that I still have that choice whereas the people for whom we run oftentimes don't. Makes it easier to complete, believe me.

I'll post more later, now that I can finally sign in. I'm off to the track.

Good news ...

I got the all clear from the doc. I'm supposed to start out walking extensively for 3-4 days. Ugh! But then work slowly into running. If there are any more problems, then I have to return obviously but for now, I'm all set to go. ; )

Yay!! Now, I'm ready to get back into the swing of things and I will FORCE myself to walk instead of run until next week. I can't wait to run again. ; )

Anna is starting phase II a very new experimental drug that will try to add to her length and quality of life. Luckily, this medicine is by pill rather than liquid - apparently, the liquid form of phase one was pretty awful b/c she got extremely upset about having to take it. Considering all the medicines and procedures that she has endured and to which she has grown accustomed, that medicine had to be truly awful for her to get that upset about it. But she's off of that now and in Phase II so that's a good thing. Bless her little heart.

So, tomorrow, I suppose, is the big day - we'll find out if the dr. clears me. Honestly, Sunday I was increasingly concerned b/c the pain didn't seem to be subsiding. However, yesterday and today it has been worlds better. So, I'm cautiously optimistic.

Everyone keeps telling me, since I started having the knee problems, that running a half marathon is still an accomplishment. But I cannot stand to do half of what I already said that I would do, even though obviously I realize that a half marathon is a huge accomplishment and more than I've ever done before. But when I signed up to do this in Anna's honor, my commitment was a whole marathon and that's what I want to do. *insert stomping of foot like five year old* In any event, the cause is the same and the money I raise in the process will not change. So, if I have to do a half, then I'll do a half - but I'm determined for that to not be the case.

Anna told her babysitter that she wondered how she was going to get into her new healthy body when she gets to heaven, and get out of the one she has now. The things that little five year old ponders in her every day life are larger than anything I have to consider.

Fundraising front

Not much to report on the training front since I was sidelined thanks to my knee. It feels better sometimes and worse sometimes. I guess we'll see. Back to the doctor Wednesday morning.

I worked concession at the Air Show this weekend to help my fundraising effort. Team in Training had their own booth and several of us signed up to work, part of the proceeds going toward fundraising. It was nine hours of Africa hot but we actually had a lot of fun working together. And I dragged my cousin along with me and that made it more fun. I'll be selling tickets soon for an evening of activities at Deep Deuce - I've never been there but I hear it's a great place. Several of us were also talking about doing a carhop thing for a day at Sonic. That should be interesting ... but apparently, it's usually successful, so I'm game.

I continue to receive generous donations from people as well and am almost halfway to my goal. We're definitely going to make it. ; )

The things we take for granted

A friend of mine was at Anna's house last night. She said that she wasn't doing well. She also said that Anna's family was hoping that she would be doing well enough to go on one last family vacation this summer.

I know I've said this one million times but I can't conceive of that being my hope for my daughter. I think when most of us think about our dreams for our children - we think of them getting married, having their own kids should they so choose and the grandchildren we will spoil, choosing a career or life's work and most of all, finding contentment with who they are and with their life in general. It is inconceivable to me that there are hundreds of families that look upon their child with the immediate hope that they live through the end of the summer.

There are no words for that.

Good morning all!! The good news is that I can already tell an improvement in my knee, after just one full round of steroids and frequent icing. I'm THRILLED by this.

The bad news - these steroids are making me crazy. I feel like I'm just perpetually angry. The nurse warned me about that and I joked about it making me cranky but I didn't really think it would. She said it affects everyone differently and might not even do that with me, and I guess I was a little overly optimistic or just didn't take it that seriously, frankly. But, um, I think that's exactly what it's going to do. Lovely.

However, they are working too well to stop so I guess I'll just have to make my best effort at not biting off too many heads and trying not to concentrate on that aspect.

I miss running. My assigned coach said that once I can start again next week, we'll modify my regimen so that I can catch back up on my own schedule. ; )

Side-lined

Soooo ... it seems I have tendonitis in my knee. This calls for one week of no running, a steroid pack (I fear this might make me cranky, and for those of you now saying some clever remark related to how I'm already cranky, I warn you to pipe down or say it quietly) and ice 3-4 times per day. I have a follow up appointment in one week - after which, I can start training again. I'm annoyed that this will probably diminish some of the progress that I had already made but it is what it is and I can get that back.

I suspect that this is my knee's way of rebelling against me. It hasn't seen exercise since pre-baby, six years ago. So, it's likely tendonitis represents its chosen means of communication in order to convey something along the lines of "Have you lost your freaking mind?!" However, clearly it doesn't know who it is taking on. : )

To run, to run ...

I can't decide whether to run tonight. I have temporary orthopedic inserts for my running shoes and a brace for my knee. I really, really want to run. But I can still feel that place by my knee, although it doesn't hurt or anything. I haven't run since the team run last Saturday when it hurt so badly afterward, although not so much during. My dr's appointment is in the morning at 10, I'm concerned that he's just going to be guessing at the problem as well. I probably shouldn't run but I WANT to run - what an odd sentence. But I am becoming quite addicted and I love being able to feel my progress as I train.

Also, it feels really worthwhile to be doing something for a cause in which you so strongly believe. I've done volunteer work, etc. in the past but this is completely different.

Two posts in one day, and some this weekend. Someone chastised me last week saying that I didn't update everyone enough. Actually, I really didn't think anyone read this but my sister. However, I've discovered that several people do, which is actually awesome b/c it makes me feel like even more people support me in this endeavor. So, I'll be more vigilant.

I got in with Dr. Flesher this Wednesday at 10 a.m. (the sports doc I was able to see in order to avoid the ER when I broke my leg in January, so that was fortuitous) Hopefully, he can tell me what's up and my training won't be affected long term. I'm trying on optimism here - not something that fits me often. ; )

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Anna certainly had a great Thursday last week going on her first motor boat ride, featured here with her Mom and three siblings. ; )

As I said previously, I rested the knee until Saturday morning when we have the team run. I had a GREAT five mile run, barely felt anything in the all important knee ... until after the run. Holy crap did it hurt. My coach watched my form during our run and noted that I run, just as I walk coincidentally, on the outside of my feet. This can put pressure on the inside of the knee. I did note thereafter that if I really focus on running with more balance toward the inside of my feet, it relieves the ache I feel on my knee. Obviously, however, concentrating that hard on walking differently isn't realistic while running 26.2 miles. So, I was sent to Foot Solutions for them to do some 3D x-rays of my apparently odd legs/feet and they can do an insert that should help that for the bargain price of $260. Um, yeah. However, said that while my form definitely gives rise to undue pressure on my knee, I need to go to a sports doc to make sure that's it. So, I have a call into mine to see when he can fit me in. Ugh! I don't want this to be anything - I'm having such good runs and making so much progress. We'll see.

On a much brighter note, my mom's office donated a total of $585. Can you believe it?! That brings my total to $1520. I know an Aunt that is for sure sending $100 so when that arrives, it will be $1620. I'm working concession at an Air Show this weekend as a fundraiser so that will be more. At that point, we'll see where we are. I can't thank everyone enough for that support, both monetarily and through their words of encouragement.

Two of Anna's siblings have birthdays today. We have to keep the other children in mind as well - they are affected just like the adults surrounding Anna. Happy Birthday to Audra and Jacob!!

Recently, a friend of Anna's family wrote this about her. I think it's beautiful, and reflective of how this little girl has affected so many.

I have been a part of something truly wonderful.

It is not magical, yet it is glorious.

It is not temporary, but eternal.

It is incredible, but believable.

It is not always pretty, but it is exceptionally beautiful.

It has made me cry oceans of tears, but has brought me the most REAL joy.

It has brought me crawling to my knees, but has made me grow up.

It has brought me to a crises of faith, but has made me believe that HE IS.

It has made me angry and sad, depressed and despairing, yet filled me with hope and peace, encouragement and strength.

I have been a part of something truly wonderful.

I have been a part of Anna Jane’s life.

I'm still resting the knee so I haven't run since Tuesday, unfortunately. But I'm going to try the team run tomorrow and get a brace tonight and see if that helps. I can still feel that place right below the inside of my knee. I don't know what the deal is. I'll probably go see a sports doc next week - just to make sure it's nothing, mostly to see if there is anything I can do so it doesn't affect my training long term. Thank god for insurance. If worse really comes to worse, which I don't really think it will, but if it does, I can always move to the walking team for this marathon. I'll do the marathon no matter what - either running like I planned, or with the walking team.

My Mom let me know that her office is donating a total of about $400 for donations. Wow!! I can't believe that. One of her co-workers has taken the lead in gathering the donations and has even mentioned other fund-raising she might do in the area - SE Oklahoma. I'm so appreciative of that - I'm going to have to do something really nice for her. When I get the donations, I'll add it to the total. That will be $1235 and my Mom also told me that one of my cousins let her know that she is donating $100 so that will be $1335. What a great start. Still a long way to go but I'm confident that I can keep this going - and I have other fundraising ideas to do. I think I can do this, thanks to the generosity and support of a lot of people who obviously believe in this cause as much as I do.

I'm definitely going to look into more things that I can do to support these efforts in addition to this marathon. I really feel compelled to help families with children that have cancer -it started mostly out of the helplessness I feel watching someone as brave and strong as little Anna. And then not knowing how in the world families deal with these types of things, especially when I think about my beautiful, precocious little girl and how blessed my family has been. The more stories I hear, the more I'm moved to help.