Anna's 5th Birthday Party

Anna Jane had a great birthday with a party that sounded magical. She followed a trail of flower petals through the woods leading to her secret garden party; released live monarch butterflies, thanks to Webb's Wings Butterfly Farm; played with borrowed kittens; watched a live lady bug release (THOUSANDS of lady bugs); pet her old friend Squirt the duck; blew out the candles on the prettiest cake I've ever seen, given to Anna by Ally's House (see pic); and surrounded by people who love her. Every aspect of Anna's party was organized and/or donated by individuals and organizations. People truly are amazing and compassionate, I think we sometimes get so jaded that we forget that. I struggle not to cry every single time I think about the fact that this is in all likelihood her last birthday here on Earth, but I'm so grateful that so many helped make it a beautiful one. And I'm so incredibly grateful to know her.

Oooookay, my initial research suggests that I have Runner's Knee - and the articles all insist that I rest. Um, yeah, I have four months to be ready for a marathon. Right now, a great run is 4 miles. I can't rest. That's completely unacceptable. Surely they have some kind of brace I can wear on my knee while I run. Surely.

Awesome four mile run yesterday. I think I'm going to stay at the 2/1 intervals the remainder of this week and then starting Monday, go to 2.5/1 intervals.

I'm a little concerned about a pain I'm having in the lower inside part of my knee. It's not a bad pain or anything, just a little ache when I put pressure on that leg. I'll have to research that. Hopefully, it will be nothing.

Anna turned 5 yesterday. She wasn't feeling well in the early part of the day. Hopefully, she felt well enough after her nap to enjoy her party last night.

Today M and I did a 3 mile run and it was probably our best run yet. On a side note, she really looks adorable biking right ahead of me in all her Princess safety gear. ; ) In any event, I was really grateful the run went well after the horrible one Saturday morning discussed in the previous post.

The weather has stayed really cool. When the inevitable Oklahoma heat arrives, that will be much more difficult. But hopefully, given the fact that I'm following my training rigorously, I'll be able to take that as it comes.

Tomorrow it's back to work and a 4 mile run tomorrow evening. M starts negotiating with me as soon as I tell her it's a 4 mile run. Anything over 3 is apparently her limit when it comes to doing it good naturedly, if that's a word. But I know she can do it and I think it's an added benefit that she's getting exercise during all of this.

Tomorrow is Anna Jane's 5th birthday. She hasn't been feeling well and is having trouble eating - please pray that she feels better tomorrow and is able to enjoy her special day. She asked her Mom today, "Are you sad? B/c you look sad." I don't know how a Mom who knows her daughter is dieing is able to somehow reassure her daughter that she's remotely okay and not completely devastated with every breath she takes. Logically, every mother would realize that saddling a five year old that is already terminally ill with your own sadness won't help anyone, but where do you find the strength to draw on in that situation?

Change of Tune

Okay, I can't be so easily discouraged. Right when I thought that maybe I wouldn't be able to reach my goals for fundraising, my outlook has changed. Keith has generously, generously donated $500. What an amazing donation, not to mention amazing guy!!! So, there is obviously hope and a lot of other great people to donate. I'm disappointed in myself that I got so easily discouraged, but even discouraged, my commitment didn't weaken. I have a lot of time to get this money raised and I'm sure I'll do it.

I really didn't feel well yesterday morning and had a terrible run, probably my worst yet. But I feel much better today, thankfully and it's all rest on Sundays. I'm sure I'll have a better run tomorrow.

We have a long way to go and a lot of work ahead of us, I'm totally up for it.

Field Day at M's school for last day celebration. So, spent the day there and now home early. R&R with the Divine on the couch and then off to run late afternoon ... it's a very nice Friday.

My earliest fundraising efforts indicate that it's highly unlikely that I'll be able to raise the amount necessary to participate in the marathon. I'm going to keep training with the perspective that I can in fact make it. And any money that I do raise will still go to the lymphoma society so my commitment will not lessen, for sure. The more I get involved in this, the more I learn about the devastation this disease wreaks on not only those diagnosed but every person who loves them. There was no way to get through my cousin's high school graduation last night without thinking of the 18 year old girl in Noble whose Drs were struggling to help survive long enough to get through her own. Every speech referred to this not being the end but just the beginning for each member of the graduation class and yet ... at that moment, in Noble, a high school graduation was that young lady's finish line.

So, although it appears unlikely that I'll be able to participate in the marathon, my motivation only grows and certainly beckons me to expand my efforts.

Those for whom we run ...

Anna Jane is leaving the Delaware hospital tomorrow. This time, they are certain that they are not returning since they got the news that there is nothing more that can be done. As her family says their good-byes to all the friends they have made there over the last 2 years during their many visits, they know that it is for the last time. Her mom said that it has not been so hard for Anna b/c she doesn't believe it when they try to explain to her that they won't be back.

I would give almost anything to change this situation for Anna and for her family. No-one deserves this and I have no idea how they handle it. Would false hope be more painful than reality in the end? I don't know the answer to that.

Sometimes running to raise money seems futile and a truly feeble attempt to help a monumental problem. And honoring their strength and struggles just doesn't seem like enough.

The Great Plains

Oh, I just thought I hated Oklahoma wind. It was really windy tonight during our run. Ugh! As I was leaving, I saw someone else from the team just arriving and getting on the track and the first thing she said was, "I hate running in the wind." So, apparently, it's not just me. ; )

Tomorrow night we have a meeting about different fund raising ideas. And I am going to ask two of the coaches some detailed questions about what types of foods we are/are not supposed to be eating. I SHOULD still have time for my run tomorrow night.

I ran three miles tonight, as instructed by the regimen. Tomorrow, it's four, which will likely not please the Divine Miss M too much but we'll see. I think I'm just going to stick with 2 min. running/1 minute walking intervals for this week. And then the first part of my next week, I'll raise it to 2 1/2 to 1. Everytime that beep on my watch goes off indicating it's time to run, I'm pretty sure I exhibit some sort of pitiful cringe, but I do it!

I gave the first batch of fundraising letters to TNT to mail out sometime this week. I only gave them 15-20 b/c I was exhausted Friday night when I was trying to prepare them. I'll do the remaining this week and turn those in on Saturday. We'll see how it goes.

Anna's mom expressed concern about her older kids forgiving her for missing so many activities during the times that she has been in Delaware with Anna for surgeries/treatments. Keep her in your prayers for comfort and peace of mind and the assurance that her older three children will see her as the hero that she is, as they undoubtedly do and will.

These are the people for whom we run, the victims of cancer and also their families and loved ones that are also affected so harshly.

Yesterday, I increased my intervals to two minutes running, one minute walking. No way to sugar coat it, it was HARD. There it was my first day with my new running watch, this new little toy for which I was so excited, and I swung violently between utter hatred and serious affection for it at the beeps.

I picked the light blue one, BTW. There was pink, light blue and black - as anyone who knows me will attest, I'm not so much on the pink and actually, I LOVE black - but light blue seemed positive and optimistic, almost encouraging, so I chose it. This is, of course, evidence of my desperation to stay motivated and encouraged that the color of a watch would ever produce that much thought on my part. 'Fashion' never garners that much of my attention.

Moving along, today I did the team run and the new increase in intervals was much, much easier. I still have to push myself, no doubt, but it was noticeably easier and I wasn't overwhelmed with the urge to take a hammer to my watch when it beeped at me that it was time to run again. ; ) I'm very encouraged that I'll be able to do this.

On a heartbreaking note, one of the local heros that the organization recognizes passed away last week. Please remember all the victims of cancer and their families in your thoughts and prayers this week.

And tomorrow, the training regimen dictates REST!!

The perks

Unfortunately, I did not get back in time to do my run last night as it was almost 9:00 before I arrived back home. So, I did the yoga, which does help stretch out the muscles a lot and is surprisingly relaxing, and tonight I'll do the 3 mile run. I am going to increase to intervals of two minutes running, one minute walking. I think I can do it.

On a related note, I got the dual timer watch last night during an extremely late shopping trip, something you can do when your six year old is at Gram's house being shamelessly spoiled. I was like a kid at Christmas and sat in the parking lot learning how to set the timers. Although they are all expensive, who knew running came with so many toys. ; )

BTW ....

I have discovered that I can actually drink a lot of water per day if I mix it with one of the Propel waters. I'm not a big water drinker so that's pretty tough for me, the Propel by itself (or any of the sports drinks for that matter) are WAY too sweet for me. But using just a little to flavor water is perfect.

HOWEVER, Propel water is EXPENSIVE (as are all the sports drinks) so anyone that wants to donate this as well through the next several months is more than welcome to do so!! ; )

Reality

I realize that my four miles isn't that much of an accomplishment since my intervals are still 1 1/2 minutes running, 1 minute walking. But still, the fact that I made it four miles AND could tell that it felt just that much easier was such a high!! Sometimes, when it starts to get tough, I just say "Anna, Anna, Anna" in my head like a mantra. It makes it easier when you can think about the fact that you're doing this FOR someone.

Tonight on the training regimen, I'm only SUPPOSED to do 2-3 miles. So, I'm going to work on moving up the pace to 2 minutes running, 1 minute walking since I'm going only 3 miles. We'll see how it goes. I have to take the Divine Miss M to meet my Mom so she can take her home with her since there is no school tomorrow but hopefully, I can get back in time for a run. If not, I'll switch the cross training tomorrow for today and do my run tomorrow evening - although, I think the point is to do the cross training the night before the big team run Saturday morning, but I have to do what I can do.

I really feel like I can do this. Although, I can't remember a time that I REALLY set my mind to something that I didn't ultimately accomplish it.

Woo Hoo

I know, I know, I know that relative to 26.2 miles this is feeble BUT I feel like a total rock star BECAUSE ... I doubled my distance and went 4 miles on my run tonight!!! Still a slow pace but it was noticably easier than Monday. Granted, I wasn't just whistling and giggling but I could tell a little difference.

Okay, I'll post more tomorrow but I couldn't WAIT to post this. Time to go stretch ... they tell me if I don't do all these stretches after a run, my muscles will stiffen. I don't know personally but I just do whatever my coaches tell me since they've run marathons and I haven't ... yet. ; )

Whew

Yesterday, the training regimen called for 30 minutes of cross training only. For now, that is yoga for me so 45 minutes of yoga. Gotta admit, I don't mind those days so much. ; ) But tonight we'll do the three mile run. Morgan should be happy since she so wanted to do another mile Monday!!

Better

Okay, things went infinitely better last night. I took my daughter to track at Lake Hefner - it's smooth there - no curbs or crooked sidewalks with which to contend. It's a busy track and I was concerned with her ability to stay in single file with me and stay in our "lane" but she did GREAT!! It went really well and she loved it. At the end of our second mile, she said, "Can we just do one more mile?" If I hadn't been so out of breath, I probably would have cracked up. As it was, I think I bellowed out "NO" in between gasps. ; )

I have a long way to go on training. I worked up to intervals of 1 1/2 minutes running, 1 minute walking for two miles. It was fairly difficult. Doesn't bode well for being ready for the marathon but I'm going to keep working. I'm trying to really take everything into account - stretching, eating better - the latter is a big one for me b/c I don't tend to eat remotely healthy so this will take thoughtful effort on my part.

I got an e-mail from Anna's mom yesterday saying that they were honored to have me run for her. I appreciated that so much but I'm actually the honored one. "I will run b/c I can if I choose, others no longer have that choice." This is what I tell myself, and I'll raise money to help them as I do it.

Little Anna is not doing well - please keep her and her family in your prayers.

I have to do my e-mail/letter and get those sent out!!! I keep putting that off until the next day and the next. Brilliant on my part, I know. I can't get so preoccupied with training that I don't get the tools out there to raise money.

Trying to not be discouraged.

Okay, things didn't go well with training yesterday. Starting with the positive, had my first team run on Saturday and it went well. I suspect I am the most out of shape person there but I really kind of anticipated that so it was at least a little less discouraging than it might have otherwise been. And I got good running shoes and socks that afternoon - the person at the running store was really careful and thorough about fitting me with the right shoes and I'm told the shoes make all the difference. They really did feel amazingly better running. Although that brings me to yesterday.

As a single parent, I've been trying to work out the details on how I was going to train with a six year old basically as an appendage (take that lightly, I wouldn't trade her). My idea was that during the week, at least during the early part of training when my runs weren't as long, she could ride her bike with me. And I got a babysitter for the Saturday team training. But ... we tried the bike thing last night and it was disastrous. Sooooo, not sure what I'm going to do now about training during the week. I was thinking about asking my sitter if she could come three nights a week for a couple of hours but I don't think she'll think it's worth her time - and frankly, I don't think I can afford it. ; ( I'm determined to do this but I'm currently at a loss as to how to get through the details.

The motivation to train isn't terribly hard - difficult as it may be at times to push myself. The team leaders talked about how we have a CHOICE to run, whereas a lot of people for whom we're running have had that choice taken from them. With that in mind coupled with Anna, the desire is definitely there, it's the technicalities I haven't fixed yet.

None of the goods

Okay, so I've nailed down a babysitter for the next gazillion Saturdays for the group run. I have my website set up for donations. I have my first group run this Saturday, which actually will consist of a workout and a tiny run, I think. Then next week is the shoe clinic and then we really get started after that. Right now, I don't have the right clothes, right shoes, right socks - nothing. But I'll get all that next week ... as soon as I get paid.

I keep writing and rewriting my letter in my head that I'm going to send to everyone asking for donations, and adding to the mental list of people to whom I'm going to send it. So, that's one of my goals for the weekend - the letter and the list of people to whom it's going. TNT will mail the first 100 for you, so that's awesome. I'm still way more excited than intimidated - this could just be somewhat tangible evidence that I've really and truly lost my mind. But for now, it's a good thing.

Oh boy

I think I must be crazy b/c rather than being intimidated by the possibility of training for a marathon, I'm completely psyched. I can't wait to get started, impossible though I know it's going to feel at times not having run in years, and even then it was quite feeble running. I'm going to run the Nike marathon in San Fran with my best, best, best friend, Lisa, who lives there. And that weekend is my birthday so I get to spend my birthday with her as well, which we've never been able to do before.

And the best part is the raising money for cancer. A little girl I know, Anna Jane, who is only four years old has cancer and after years of trial and triumphs for her, the doctor told her family recently that there is nothing left that they can do. So, they are going to concentrate on quality of life now. When I went to the first team in training meeting, they said that we could pick a local hero or they could assign one - I already have a hero in Anna so that was easy. And while it doesn't do anything to help her now, it honors her strength and perseverance and maybe it will lend a hand to helping others someday that face her same struggles. She's only four years old but I think she'd like that. Knowing her personality and the amazing person that she is, I know she would.